Women belittling each other

One this that I’m amazed that is a constant part of our culture is how other women belittle the other women around them. I mentioned in class my friend that posted on Facebook about how much he hated the view and we talked about how that attitude is usually because for some reason if you are emotional you are somehow stupid. Higher emotion is also something that is associated with femininity. That alone has so many issues to unpack alone, but part of the thread that really made me think was the comments that were made to the original post. My friend who made the original post is male and he had something alone the lines of he watched The View and was reminded why he doesn’t watch shows like that. His friend, who is female, said that is why she isn’t friends with girls. How can we as women ever expect to gain respect if we demean each other? She basically was saying that most females aren’t worth knowing; however she didn’t include herself in that category. If women are always going to say that other women are bad and that it’s better to be with men, there will always be attitudes that reflect poorly on women. If you took her comment at face value she was essentially not worth being friends with. She is a girl and if girls make bad friends, than she makes bad friends. I think this is a key example that highlights the bad thoughts about women that are prevalent in our society. I think it’s a big problem.

Artifact Anaylsis 2: I Knew You Were Trouble

The song I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift promotes some troubling ideas. Here is the link to the song with the lyrics on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0DfyAIkGw0

There are two issues that I found bothered me when I was listing to this song. First that it is the girls fault when a guy treats her like crap and second that women always want the bad boy that treats them like crap and is not able to stay away.

The premise of the song is that the guy that broke her heart and cheated on her was someone she knew was trouble from the moment he walked in and therefore it is her fault that he did treat her terrible and cheated on her because she should have known better. Now I do not want to negate the fact that there is some responsibility to being honest with what the person you are starting a relationship is like, but that does not mean it becomes your responsibility or shame when you are treated badly. I think that this is a very problematic view in our society. How many times when a man cheats on a woman that somehow it comes up that she was not pleasing him sexually. So therefore it is her fault that he cheated on her. Guess what? It is always the fault of the person who cheated. No matter what the problems are in the relationship, whether they are sexual or other issues, the person that cheated made that choice and needs to be responsible. This kind of logic is not that far away from the mentalities associated with rape that blame the woman when they are raped that they must have done something that made the man rape them. No, they did not make someone force themselves on them. That does not even make any actual sense, but somehow seems to come up in our world again and again. The song literally comes out and says the blame is on me. Why would the blame be on the woman? That is where our society is the most comfortable putting the blame. It must have been her fault somehow. There are men out there that do not want or are not mature enough to really be in a committed relationship, but somehow the fault is on the woman that is treated badly and cheated on. That is really so wrong in so many different ways. There are definitely women out there that have the same kind of mentalities, but I do not think I have ever heard of the man in the relationship being blamed for their choices. It is very one sided in our society and that is so not okay. A good majority of people have had at least one toxic relationship in their life where they had some idea when they met the person that it probably was not something they should pursue, but did anyway. That does not mean that they are to blame for what the other person in the relationship chose to do. Yes we all need to be smart about who we get into relationships with, but it never makes us responsible for the other person’s actions.  The other idea that this mentality leads to is that it is your fault if your significant other abuses you. If it is your fault they treat you badly in other ways, how far away is it to get to this thought? Not really that far of a leap. There are an alarming number of women that defend their abusers and take the blame for being abused. They did something wrong or they forgot something they were supposed to do and it will be all okay as long as they make sure it does not happen again. That is terrible and starting down that path by saying you are responsible for knowing how a person will treat you from the moment you meet them is ridiculous.

                The other problematic part of this song is the fascination with the bad boy that she is unable to resist. Sure all of us have fallen for that person that we know we should not have, but why is it such a huge part of our culture for the bad boy to be so appealing. One line of the song says, “I guess you didn’t care and I guess I liked that”. Why would you like it that someone didn’t care? That does not make any logical sense, but by observing people in our society there is some truth to that for more than just Taylor Swift. Women seem to be drawn to the bad boy. Is it because they want to be treated badly? What does that say about how women view themselves? It almost seems like they are saying they are not worth the effort to be treated well and therefore seek out toxic relationships because that is what they are worth. Is it the appeal of reforming the bad boy? If so how often does that really work out? Again you cannot chose what choices other people will make, if someone wants to start being a better person, the only one that can make that happen is themselves. Do women need validation that keeping a bad boy that no one says they will keep could possibly give them? I think it all boils down to self-image issues. Women feel bad about themselves so they do not feel like they deserve to be treated right and society finds ways to enforce those negative issues at every turn. Look at the models that are supposedly the ideal image that women are supposed to aspire to. It is literally impossible for most of the women in the world to look like models.

                Now I do have to say that there is one thing that redeemed this song a little in my eyes and that was the music video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNoKguSdy4Y

                It starts and ends with a voiceover. Right before the song starts she says “I think the worst part of it all wasn’t losing him, it was losing me.” That shows that she understands that she lost her own identity and got pulled in by him. She wants herself back. I think that is one of the most powerful messages that we can give to girls and women. Know who you are and do not let anyone take that away from you. She got eclipsed by the power of the relationship and felt like she lost herself. Most people have experienced this at one point in their lives. It is a powerful thing, but it is never healthy. You cannot lose yourself and be in a productive relationship. Some aspects of our society lend themselves to women losing themselves in their relationship and defining themselves by whatever relationship they are or are not in at that point in their life. Why is your marital status an important part of identifying who you are? Yes it is a huge part of your life, but not who you are. Men are always Mr. no matter their age or marital status. Women have Miss for when they are a little girl, Mrs. if they are married and Ms. If they don’t fit either of those categories. Women are set up to lose themselves in their relationship status and that is something that contributes to so many women seeking out toxic relationships as they are trying to figure out how to keep their identity and still find a relationship that makes them happy.

                This song shows a dangerous thought that is alive and well in our society that women are to blame when they are treated badly in relationships, either because they should have known better as it is stated in this song, or because they are doing something wrong. Relationships are the responsibility of both people in it and the person that makes the mistakes or treats the other person badly is the one to blame for those mistakes. 

"I want to stay home:

In the video we watched today, they talked about the statement, “I want to be home.” She even mentioned that was a hard statement for her to say. Why should that be a bad thing? In all the discussions in giving women equality and allowing them to choose what they want their life to be instead of assuming they will stay home and care for the kids while their husbands work and provide monetarily for their family, one key thing has been overlooked. Some women want to stay home with their children. This has become a choice that isn’t as valued as a women that chooses a career and that lifestyle. I think the whole reason the movement came about was due to the fact that women should have a choice, they shouldn’t have only one life path open to them. However that doesn’t mean that isn’t a valid life choice and a good thing to want for your life. If I had the choice, I would want to be a stay at home mom. Due to my life circumstances, that isn’t an option for me at this point in my life. The majority of the times I have told someone that, I have gotten looks like they think I’m crazy or a patronizing answer and a quick change of subject. Why are people so uncomfortable with being a stay at home mom as a valid life choice? I think that women should have all the choices in the world open to them, but that doesn’t make being a stay at home wife a mother a negative thing and unfortunately I think our world has taken that view. My sister stays home with her kids and my mom did also and the number of times that they have had a comment along the lines of you don’t work so you have more time, or oh you just stay home and take care of your kids. Look up someone that has calculated what the salary of a stay at home mom would be if they were paid what people in the workplace are paid to complete the jobs they do on a regular basis. It’s really hard work and I think it should be able to be something that is looked at positively by our society at the same time we praise women who chose a successful career and manage to find a balance with their family life. We shouldn’t have to make one negative to make the other positive. I think it relates to the argument we have discussed that in order to be a feminist, you must hate men which is so opposite from true it’s almost laughable, but it is something that people believe.

Here is a link to one site that calculated what a stay at home mom's salary would be:
http://www.salary.com/stay-at-home-mom-infographic/

Artifact Anaylsis I: Strawberry Shortcake

                

                Strawberry Shortcake is a toy that has been around for many years. Strawberry Shortcake has been redesigned and given a new look to relate to today’s kids. Well, when I started looking into this, I was only aware of two different Strawberry Shortcakes, but apparently there are three. There is the original, the one for the older movies and the most recent redo of her. I thought this was an interesting way to look at how we think little girls should be portrayed. The progress between the three versions of Strawberry Shortcake is an interesting study. The most recent Strawberry illustrates an alarming trend towards everything for little girls going towards a sleek, sexy image and what we are teaching our little girls, is very alarming.

Here is the original Strawberry Shortcake:

She was a toy that was very popular in the 80’s. She and all of her friends were scented and very dessert oriented. She is very cutesy, for lack of a better word. This version of Strawberry Shortcake started out as images on greeting cards and turned into toys and there were a few TV specials. If you look at her she has cute chubby cheeks and is not overly tall. She is the quintessential image of a cute little girl. She was enormously popular toy with little girls. She was scented and each her friends were scented with a fruit or dessert flavor. She shows a cute cubby little girl that is happy to be a girl. She is extremely feminine and little girl cute. This shows that little girls were expected to very feminine and cute, but she was portrayed was a real little girl. She does not have a slim body; she has a cute little chubby body.

The next version of Strawberry Shortcake that I want to discuss is the one from the TV series that her image was revamped for in 2003. This is what she looks like:

She still looks a lot like a little girl. Her outfit has made me laugh more than once because it reminds me of some of the unfortunate fashion choices I made as a little girl. I think it is an interesting choice that they chose to change her outfit from a dress to pants. Was it thought that she would be more relatable without the more feminine look? While looking for information and pictures regarding the different looks that Strawberry Shortcake has gone through I found several mentions of the reason that she was brought out and revamped was to try to appeal to parent’s nostalgia of the toys that they played with as well as being a popular choice for current kids. So apparently it was believed that little girls that were around when this was being made did not want a traditionally feminine look that the original Strawberry Shortcake portrayed. They wanted a girl that ran around and played and wore casual pants. She is still built much like a little girl. She does still have a little girl figure. She is not dressed for appearances, but for functionality. The movies are mostly focused on times that Strawberry played with her friends and learned lessons about life. She is actually dressed like a little girl that is going to play with her friends. It seems like it is saying that little girls should go out and play and enjoy being a little girl.

The final remake of the image of Strawberry Shortcake that I will address is the one that was done for the new launch in 2009. This is where the biggest changes came into play. Here is her current look:

This recent revamping of her look is the most drastic. She is slimmer, sexier, and honestly older looking. The first change had taken her from a cutesy little girl in a dress and bloomers to a little girl in cute pants and shirt that looked ready to run outside and play. Then we go to this. While I am sure that it could be argued that they were trying to get back to the more traditional look of having her in a dress, but I do not think that is all there is to it. There is an alarming trend in anything geared towards young girls to have it marketed as sexy. Everywhere you look, little girl shows have characters that are depicted in this perfect, slim, sexy looks. What kind of messages are we sending to our little girls? I find I have to be careful about the clothes out there because some are way too old for a little girl. Young girls do not need to look sexy. Strawberry Shortcake is not a show that tweens are going to enjoy even though I think it could be argued that they are even too young to start dressing sexy. Strawberry Shortcake is very much at the level of my 3 and 5 year old girls. Their bodies do not look like this. Why would the shows that little girls watch not have characters that look like they do? The whole idea of many of the shows currently on for kids are usually trying to teach them good things. Strawberry Shortcake is all about friendship and learning life lessons while experiencing life with good friends. So essentially they are trying to have the little girls relate to them in order to learn life lessons.  Why are little girls being asked to relate to a character that does not look anything like them? Even her pose in the picture screams provocative and teasing.

What does all this portrayal of sexiness in toys and shows for little girls tell us about our current culture? I think it highlights the fact that there is way too much emphasis placed on a girl’s appearance. If the way to make a popular old character relatable to kids currently means that if it is a girl character she needs to be skinny and sexy, that is a huge problem. Why would little girls relate to a sexy, slim little girl? They will not and do not, but unfortunately, at least subconsciously we are telling them that is what they should be striving for. That is setting them up for image issues at a very young age. I do not think that anyone if asked would say that they think that they believe a little girl should be thinking about being sexy, but these images still persist and are becoming alarmingly more commonplace. We need to help our girls feel wonderful about themselves the way they are, not give a impossible goal to achieve and inundate them with it from a very young age. The bad things that her image can be teaching young girls are particularly upsetting because it really is a good show with good messages for little girls. All the characters are strong girls that take care of each other. Here is what the company shows is what Strawberry Shortcake is all about:

http://www.hasbro.com/strawberryshortcake/en_US/discover/news/All-About-Strawberry-Shortcake.cfm

The slogan is little girls, big possibilities and that is a great thing for little girls to believe. That even though they are little there are big possibilities for their lives and that they are able to do big things. It is just disappointing that in order to have girls exposed to powerful thoughts like that, they need to be bombarded with the images of what the ideal image of what a girl should be is.

Gender Stereotypical Toys

A friend posted this on facebook and it was so perfect I couldn't not do a blog post about it. I love this picture for so many reasons. As the mother of two little girls, I’m constantly surrounded by the typical “girl” toys. I remember one year I went Black Friday shopping for Christmas gifts for my girls and one of the things that I wanted to get was some hot wheels cars. No one said anything outright to me, but I got a lot of funny looks like people thought I was crazy. My girls are extremely girly, for lack of a better word, especially my oldest. She loves anything princess and frilly and flowery and I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point. I’ve tried hard to make sure that they don’t only have what has been determined to be “girl” toys. I seriously had to struggle with the decision to not pay an additional $75 for their play kitchen to get more gender neutral colors instead of the pastels that I ended up getting. I don’t feel like I have any support from anyone else in my life in my worries about things like this.

When I was a kid, I loved Barbies and dolls and dress up. But I would spend a lot of time with my brother’s Legos. Yes my brothers' Legos, I was given Barbies and they were given Legos. I loved both and wanted to play with both. Fortunately my home was an environment where sharing was encouraged and even required so I got to play with both, but why didn’t I just have both? In my parent’s defense I think I asked for the things they gave me at least about half of the time. I didn’t realize anything beyond that I like to play with my brother’s toys and wanted some. beyond that. Now that I know more and have studied more, I realize how much a part of our life these rules about what girls play with and what boys play with have become.

I love that the child that was given both toys played with them together in the way that she wanted. That’s all what being a kid is about is using their imagination and learning through play. Why limit them to toys that have been determined to be for their gender. Cars and dolls can both be equally fun for anyone, it shouldn’t have to be that boys play with cars and girls play with dolls.

Miss Representation

To oversimplify things, I think a lot of what the film was addressing is summed up in the statement that one of the people made that our world has always been this was and people don't question it. We get comfortable in our status quo and aren't interested in hearing anything that might be better. Change makes people uncomfortable. I subscribe to the same method of thought. I like my comfortable little life, and don't want to change things even if it would be for the better. People have accepted that women are portrayed the way they are in the media because that's the way it has always been. If you were to ask most of the men that are creating and promoting media that depicts women as less than men, they are probably not even aware of the fact that they are doing it. Of course there will always be those that are aware they have those attitudes and have no problems with the fact that the promote those ideas, but I think that those are in the minority. People accept what has always been going on in their life, usually without a lot of questioning. The first step to any real change is getting people to be aware that there is a problem.