In the video we watched today, they talked about the
statement, “I want to be home.” She even mentioned that was a hard statement for her to say. Why should that be a bad thing? In all the discussions in giving women equality
and allowing them to choose what they want their life to be instead of assuming
they will stay home and care for the kids while their husbands work and provide
monetarily for their family, one key thing has been overlooked. Some women want
to stay home with their children. This has become a choice that isn’t as valued
as a women that chooses a career and that lifestyle. I think the whole reason
the movement came about was due to the fact that women should have a choice,
they shouldn’t have only one life path open to them. However that doesn’t mean
that isn’t a valid life choice and a good thing to want for your life. If I had
the choice, I would want to be a stay at home mom. Due to my life
circumstances, that isn’t an option for me at this point in my life. The
majority of the times I have told someone that, I have gotten looks like they
think I’m crazy or a patronizing answer and a quick change of subject. Why are
people so uncomfortable with being a stay at home mom as a valid life choice? I
think that women should have all the choices in the world open to them, but
that doesn’t make being a stay at home wife a mother a negative thing and
unfortunately I think our world has taken that view. My sister stays home with
her kids and my mom did also and the number of times that they have had a
comment along the lines of you don’t work so you have more time, or oh you just
stay home and take care of your kids. Look up someone that has calculated what
the salary of a stay at home mom would be if they were paid what people in the
workplace are paid to complete the jobs they do on a regular basis. It’s really
hard work and I think it should be able to be something that is looked at
positively by our society at the same time we praise women who chose a
successful career and manage to find a balance with their family life. We
shouldn’t have to make one negative to make the other positive. I think it
relates to the argument we have discussed that in order to be a feminist, you
must hate men which is so opposite from true it’s almost laughable, but it is
something that people believe.
Here is a link to one site that calculated what a stay at home mom's salary would be:
http://www.salary.com/stay-at-home-mom-infographic/
Here is a link to one site that calculated what a stay at home mom's salary would be:
http://www.salary.com/stay-at-home-mom-infographic/
I could not have agreed with you more on this topic.
ReplyDeleteI would love to be a stay at home one day. My family is the most important thing in my life. It only makes sense to be home with my young children (when I eventually have them.)
I absolutely cannot stand when I tell people I want to be a stay at home mom their response is well why are you in college. I would love to jump down their throats and be like sorry did you think all stay at home moms are ignorant baby making machines.
I am an independent woman. I plan to keep it that way my entire life. When I have children if something would happen to the father I would be able to enter the workforce again because I have a degree.
I grew up in a single parent home. My mother worked an extreme amount of hours to make sure she could give us everything we needed and even wanted. I realized what I need over the years was not the newest coolest toy, it was time with my mom. I told myself if there is one thing I will do in life is be around for my kids.
I am not passing judgments on working parents. I give them props too. I think people need to respect stay at home parents more than they do.
When I was reading this post I completely agreed. I also feel that many people do forget about the mothers that would like to stay at home. Or even the Fathers that later decide that they would like to stay at home. I feel that people should choose what they would like to do. I also wrote my blog post on this topic. I feel that a good solution to this is a work-flexible hour friendly job. I also feel that another great solution is working at home. I feel that watching it I started to notice more about different family-work dynamics. I started to notice that most of the people I see are either two medium income married couple that have, obviously because they both would like to be involved in children life. There is also the couple that one person is the stay at home and the other works and makes a ton of money. There is also the only parent that seems tries their best to make money and still be there. And lastly the family that both of them are setting their goals high and getting places, and maybe children are not even in the picture. I know this relates more to the reading, but honestly I just feel that I have completely grown attached to seeing and understanding more of the way that families are. I feel that while I’m taking this class I’m feeling more compassion for others. Essentially I feel that if we make people more aware of these families and the fact that couples most of the time choose how they would like to spend their life. It is simply their choices and decisions whether working hard or just wanting to be a stay at home mother. WHO CARES, as long as its THEIR decision. :)
ReplyDeleteI find this topic really interesting; it wasn't something I'd thought much about before a few weeks ago. Growing up, I didn't know too many kids with stay-at-home moms; I thought that stay-at-home moms were like an extinct species. Both of my parents worked and I knew that a woman being able to work outside the home was a big social justice win. I had even quietly scoffed at girls in my classes who would say they wanted to stay at home when they had children.
ReplyDeleteBut there's no real reason that staying at home with your children can't be fulfilling--as long as that's what the woman (or man) wants to do, it makes sense that it would make them happy. And it's obviously good for the children to have more time with their mothers (or fathers). I suppose I hadn't ever thought much about it because I don't have a strong desire to have children, but I would probably want to spend as much time as possible with any children I do have.
So, thanks for writing this blog post. It's helped me see that, while stay-at-home moms may be somewhat rare, the desire to be one is not.
This topic is something that I have thought about extensively on my own time even before this class but for being a stay at home dad. If it would be at all possible in the future for me to be a stay at home dad instead of working that is what my choice would be. Currently I work at a school working with all different ages of children and I see the benefits of having a parent that is there dedicated and always looking to improve the child's growth and success.
ReplyDeleteWhile growing up my own mother was going back to get her degree so I spent most of my time from age two to five (before I started going to school) at my grandparents. To this day I still talk to my grandparents about the time I stayed with them and they keep on pointing out that they wish that when they had their children they would have been able to stay home and be with them all the time like they were with me. I think this only reinforces the idea that being a stay at home parent and raising your children can be just as fulfilling and important than being a working parent.
I am really happy that you brought this up. It seems like wanting to be a stay at home mom, or being a stay at home mom is almost looked down upon now that women are finally getting the option to do otherwise. While I am in school and working towards getting a career, part of me still wonders whether I will still want that career if/when I have kids. My mom had a brief career as a flight attendant, which she kept up until my youngest sister was born (I am the oldest and I was about 6 when she quit.) A couple of years ago I was reading a book called, Firefly Lane (I know it sounds super cheesy, but I could NOT put it down and highly recommend it) and the main characters are best friends growing up in the 70's and 80's. Basically the end of the book focuses on how both characters, who are women, finally get to do what they worked so hard to do: advance their careers and follow their dreams. The ending is very emotional, and I was sobbing by the end. As soon as I finished the last sentence, I thought of my mom and wondered what she was missing out on. I ran into the kitchen, still worked up from the ending of the book and asked her what her dream was. She said to have a family. I disregarded this and said, "No, no, your real dream. If you had no ties to anything right now what would you want to do?" I expected her to say something along the lines of hosting a tv show or owning a company or being a lawyer and she said, "This is my dream. This has always been my dream, to have a family and a house to take care of." I was shocked and upset because this is not what I wanted to hear. I reacted the same way many women would, with borderline disgust because she should want to do more than what women have been fighting against for so long. It took me a while to accept and admire her dream. I am very thankful to her because she devoted everything to her family, which includes doing the laundry and making dinner every night and staying at home and always being there when any of us kids needed love and support. She is great at what she does, and she followed her dream. I think that is what feminism is about, giving women the options and resources to follow their dreams, whether that's being president of the united states or being a stay-at-home mom.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with this post. My mom was a stay at home mom and she is one of the most hard-working persons I know. In today’s society being a stay at home mom is frowned upon and looked at as something to be undesirable. When I have a family I would love the opportunity to stay at home. It is a choice just the same as women in high ranking careers. The key to making women in work places acceptable society needs to accept all the choices women and men decide to do with their career paths. A family comes in all types of forms and all should be valued in society and not judged. Whatever their decision is it is their choice how they want to spend their lives and be and as long as their happy I believe that is success. Being a stay at home mom is something to be valued as a true job and career option rather than a “just” or a looked down option for women who don’t go out and get “real” jobs. I hold a high respect for stay at home mom as well as other career oriented women. This class too I think has helped me become more open-minded and compassionate to people and their life choices because it’s their choice.
ReplyDeleteExcellent discussion, everyone. Such thoughtful ideas and responses to each others' ideas.
ReplyDeleteFeminism should always be about enabling people of all genders develop their life paths and be in the world in the way in which you would like to.
A key part of this discussion is that the work of caretaking, be it for children or adults, is not really valued and not really seen as work because it's largely been women's work (patriarchy thus doesn't value it) and it does produce money and profit (capitalism thus doesn't value it).
Wow! That stay-at-home mom website is really interesting. I wonder what would happen if women were actually paid for what they do for their families. If they were however, they could end up using the money they made to hire a house keeper or a nanny, then go get another job. I guess from that respect, it would be challenging to pay moms for what they do.
ReplyDeleteDo you ever feel like you are missing important pieces of you children's lives by attending school? I feel like there are fewer stay-at-home moms nowadays and I think it is affecting our children. All the time, I see kids with iPads, iPhones, or iPods and they are constantly on them 24/7. When I was little, my mom ran a daycare out of our home so she could be with my sister and I while still making some money. Even though she wasn't licensed, many of our friends through preschool who had working parents came to take advantage of the lower price my mom offered compared to normal childcare. It seems everyone benefited from this arrangement. We were happy to spend the day with our friends and our mom, and the other parents were able to get their work done without having to worry about who they were leaving their children with. We also played with each other and with toys, not computer screens and robots. Seriously, they have robotic dinosaurs now. I'll admit that is cool